A mental health professional discusses effective coping skills for patients and caregivers impacted by incurable diseases like mesothelioma.
Mental health struggles are common after receiving a cancer diagnosis. Patients with mesothelioma are at even higher risk of experiencing symptoms of depression and anxiety due to the unique nature and aggressiveness of this rare form of cancer.
It’s completely normal to feel a range of emotions about your illness, especially when the diagnosis was a complete shock. Coping skills for depression may help, but it may also be necessary for patients to adjust their mindset and expectations and create a new normal.
In some instances, when people share their diagnosis with their loved ones, they may feel dismissed or unsupported because they don’t appear physically unhealthy. This is where speaking with a mental health professional can help.
“A lot of people with invisible long-term illnesses are told that since they look good, they should feel good, which invalidates their physical and emotional experiences with their illness,” reveals Nicole Ryan Carroll, a Los Angeles-based marriage and family therapist with expertise in treating individuals with chronic illnesses.
At a Loss for Words: Grieving Your Old Life
After speaking with many people diagnosed with chronic illnesses, Nicole has observed that they often feel a double loss: the life they had before their diagnosis and the future they might have had without the illness.
“A lot of people mourn the loss of their old lives. They are also hurt because they were forced to give up their vision for what their careers could have been and what their family life could have been,” Nicole explains.
“But I encourage them to explore those feelings in a safe space and to cry when they need to. Crying is a stress reducer that benefits the nervous system.”
Nicole tries to help terminally ill patients actively work toward accepting their new normal.
“Before acceptance can happen, there has to be a grieving process. There has to be a letting-go process. And a lot of that is helping clients get in contact with their grief because the only way to achieve acceptance is through grief.”
Mesothelioma can take a toll on your emotions, finances, and overall well-being. Get our Free Mesothelioma Guide to learn about supportive care and other resources to help you navigate life with this cancer.
It’s Okay Not to Be Okay
Constantly having to talk about their illness — whether at work, school, or among friends and family — can make some patients feel like they are reduced to their disease.
In these instances, Nicole helps patients make sense of their feelings by giving them a space to grieve and be angry.
“There is a general misconception that after you receive a diagnosis about an incurable disease, you suddenly have a moment of clarity and immediately accept your situation. But that’s not realistic. It’s okay to be angry and frustrated with what is going on in your life.”
Specifically, she teaches her patients that it’s perfectly okay to admit that being sick is terrible, often applying the colloquial phrase “that sucks” during their counseling sessions.
“In therapy, you don’t have to perform for an audience,” she says. “You don’t have to put on a mask of gratitude and act like you are thankful for everything despite your diagnosis. You can be yourself and say what is really on your mind.”
Step Outside of Yourself
While “mindfulness” might seem like a trendy buzzword, there’s scientific evidence that it really works. Studies show that mindfulness can help chronically ill individuals deal with the stress of their illness and improve their resilience.
As patients become accustomed to their new reality, Nicole recommends getting outside to practice mindfulness as part of the grieving process.
“With some patients, internal activities like meditation are counterproductive initially because they can increase the awareness of the pain they are in,” she explains. “They are already so focused on their bodies that it’s sometimes more calming to intentionally notice things outside of themselves.”
Nicole suggests going on walks and intentionally taking notice of your surroundings, such as the appearance of trees, the feeling of the wind on your skin, and the smell of the flowers you pass by.
She also shares that some of her patients have been able to manage their pain through complementary and alternative medicine (CAM), such as acupuncture, homeopathy, and massage therapy.
“I am welcoming to all of it,” Nicole says. “If it’s helping you, then that’s what matters.”
Help Me Help You: Advice for Caregivers
Nicole offers several tips to help caregivers manage their new responsibilities.
Referencing the popular pre-flight message about parents putting on their own oxygen masks before helping others, Nicole emphasizes that taking care of someone else every day can burn you out if you routinely postpone or neglect your own needs.
She also suggests that caregivers meet with a therapist regularly to talk about their experiences and concerns.
“If you don’t take proper care of yourself, you won’t have the energy or interest to help someone else. You show up every single day for a person that you love and care about, but constantly seeing them in pain and being needed to assist them is emotionally taxing.”
Nicole’s most important advice to caregivers is to simply listen without trying to present solutions. This approach is helpful when your loved one shares the negative emotions and challenges they are experiencing after their diagnosis.
“Offering solutions often happens when a caregiver genuinely attempts to help, so it stems from a good place with good intentions. But most patients just need a safe space to vent and express their frustrations without really wanting solutions,” Nicole explains.
Nicole finds that most patients with chronic illnesses prefer to seek solutions from their medical doctors and other patients diagnosed with the same illness.
“Ask them what these experiences are like for them so that they can share their reactions rather than having to justify them,” Nicole shares.
Caregivers often devote so much of themselves to their loved ones that they put others’ needs ahead of their own. Download our Free Self-Care For Caregivers Guide to learn ways to reduce stress and care for yourself.
Speak Your Truth: Be Your Own Best Advocate
Nicole, who has launched her career as a disability advocate, empowers her terminally ill patients to assert themselves if they feel their concerns aren’t being taken seriously.
In fact, she usually offers to join patients in conversations with their medical doctor, employer, or school administrator if they need help explaining their needs or requesting accommodations.
“If patients are at the doctor’s office and they want more tests or scans done, or they are considering getting a second opinion, I encourage them to speak up,” she notes.
Interestingly enough, it was Nicole’s experiences with multiple chronic illnesses that motivated her to help others in similar circumstances.
“I know what it’s like to be on the phone with an insurance company for a long time because they either denied a claim or said a service was out-of-network, or you went to multiple doctors and were met with no answers about why your symptoms have been worsening,” she says.
“These calls and visits can be very frustrating when you’re already so emotionally and physically drained from your illness.”
Get Emotional Support for Mesothelioma
If you or a family member have been diagnosed with mesothelioma, you do not have to navigate this difficult illness alone.
There is no shame in seeking help. From one-on-one therapy to support groups, there is a wide range of mental health resources available to mesothelioma patients and their families.
Call our Patient Advocates at (866) 608-8933 or request our Free Mesothelioma Guide to get the emotional support you need.
